Damn me

If only I knew how the logics of "Maturity" worked, I would have never fallen in love with nothing but The True Love in my hands. For I would have known the twings and pangs of this "Shiny" world, and thus avoided being butchered every second of my existence. I am hurt beyond corrections, and cannot help but think how miserable I have become. Damn me, how can I possibly want to marry a princess sans a big house and an expensive car. Damn me for believing that the power of love could bring in riches. Damn me for even thinking of us as we. Damn me for being so optimistic and impractical. Damn me for the paucity of opulence. Damn me for being an inconsolable soul. Damn me for still.......... surviving.

-Sunny Gusain

But why but why but why

Whose clutches are these, 

Which so strongly hold me, 

How can I liberate myself, 

When liberation itself is confinement, 

How can I fight and win, 

When loss is a synonym of winning, 

When why is the question, 

With 'but why' as its only answer, 

When you know the reason and the reasoning 

With defeat and defeat as your only reading 

Why can't I be put to sleep with a mother's care, 

But will sleep be able to bear this unbearable ache, 

When the words of love spoken cease to matter 

And the only real word left to care is despair, 

When the only prayer to God is the prayer of death 

With only a hope of Him acceding to your demands 

But why but why but why and that's how I go off to sleep 

But why but why but why but why.........

-Sunny Gusain

Again and again......Love Kaput

The haunting is back, the mind is so full of this excruciating pain and suffering. I ask myself, why do I suffer, am I a sinner? What have I done to deserve this scar on my heart and mind? I am full of remorse, and this morbid fear of a vacancy in my soul. I look out for the unknown, losing myself completely with no dreams to live for. Why do I end up alone while I only spread joy and love. Why love has become a morbid word when the world only needs this for resurrection. The validity of love is under question and I ask myself, Is it existent or just a manifestation of human preference. Oral promises are not valid, does that mean we should keep legal promises in love. How do I see when my eyes have been taken out? Why cannot my heart accept what my mind so articulately explains and justifies? Why is it so difficult to comprehend it? Why can't I explain to myself that love as such is not enough and that riches are critical to everything? Why do people carry around two faces, one of love and the other of betrayal? I promise myself never to fall in love again. Heart rending, and calamitous it has been for me whenever I have so generously bestowed my love and care with so much honesty and dedication.

-Sunny Gusain